Relationship for Dummies
by rachael-ly
Summary: Fran was never socially... skilled. But maybe a book can help make his blood and pain filled relationship better for him and the Prince? -story request


"Senpaaaai, it doesn't fit."

"…"

"Bel-senpai, it won't go in."

"…"

"Bel-senpai, it's too loose. Look, I can wiggle it inside freely."

"…"

"Bel-senpai?"

"…"

"Bel-senpai?"

"Force it in for all I care, stop bothering me and put that in!"

"But it doesn't fit…"

"FIND A DIFFERENT OUTLET!"

It's day 1 of Fran's merry trip to the land of banks and neutrality, Switzerland, and it's already headed off to a bad start. Despite being in THE best hotel they could find, the merry illusionist of Varia is more than convinced the hotel should be a 0-star hotel. Still with his signature frog hat, his eyes wandered around the wide room, observing the supposedly suite fit for a king. There's the television set. A wide screen fixed on the wall, parallel to the position of the bed which, if his estimation was right, fit for 7 people, disregarding weight and height- 2 people at most if they were American and/or obese. Right of the bed was a fridge. A FRIDGE. Speculations led Fran to the conclusion that this room was meant for fat people. Add the dining table wide enough for 10 but only has 4 chairs as well as the couch that could serve as a normal sized bed and you have one convinced Frog.

And if that wasn't enough, the charger of his portable playstation- his new found discovery that leads to actual entertainment- wasn't compatible with ANY of the hotel room's outlets. He looked at every corner, checked behind each table and desk and even took out the plugged appliances to check their own outlets, but to no avail, all ports were wrong. Fran thought he was ready for travel. He even anticipated this turn of events with two types of 2 parallel prongs, American and French, plus the two others with their respective earth connectors. And he even added the rest of the troop, plug types E to I! Normally that was enough, but no. Switzerland was more cunning. More... ingenious. They had the dreaded plug type J, the three round prongs that no one ever uses. Curse you Swiss folks! You win this round!

"I searched everywhere, they're all the same." Fran answered in his usual emotionless tone, but if he had the ability to express any emotion, it would be anger. Again, Swiss folks, curse you!

"Take the phone, dial 1, and wait for someone to answer. Or do you want the prince to end your misery in a quick and painful death? Shi shi shi!" The not-so-young Varia prince's laugh could have made anyone tremble. In fact, a maid who just entered the room heard the line and froze in shock. It took her 3.6 seconds to realize she should have knocked and that she may suffer consequences, so she did the most logical thing to do, "Wrong room! I- is, uh, sorry, no? Guten tag!"

Fran sighed, "I could have asked _her. _But you scared her, senpai. And it's supposed to be quick and painless death- ow." Not even a millisecond after he spoke of pain, and a knife was already sent flying towards his direction. Ow. "Hit my psp and I'll pee on you."

"Uh-huh."

A good two hours have passed since Fran was kicked out of the hotel suite because of his urinating threat; currently he was on his way back, convinced his least favorite senpai after Levi is already calm. But then again, when is Belphegor EVER calm?

While strolling around Geneva in his casual clothes earlier, Fran found a local library that cured his boredom. The books ranged from those with an IQ of 30 to 200—maybe if he has time he'll borrow Ba Ba Black Sheep for Bel?

He scanned title after title until he found the perfect entertainment book, relationships for dummies. He didn't consider himself a dummy but the cover was very convincing, human interaction was never his strong point so he might as well read it.

"Uh-huh. Hmm. Oh." The book enlightened him too much he ended up buying the whole thing. The owner insisted it wasn't for sale, but who could ever say no two a young, innocent and dull faced teen who wants a little boost in his social life?

Plus he paid via check for more than 10 times the price. What a good kid.

Knock. Knock.

"Bel-senpai, I'm back."

Belphegor simply stood there, speechless. He was just about to shower when lo and behold, frog boy is back with…roses?

"Will you be bathing? Give me 5 minutes and I'll join you."

"…"

Fran calmly walked to his bedroom to get his bathing necessities, and of course to take off his clothes and just use a towel. This book was working wonders, he wasn't yelled at by Belphegor at all! And since he wasn't thrown out, that means his not mad at all. The book may be for dummies but he wouldn't mind being a dummy if they had books like these to guide them in their life with sadistic princes.

With his rubber duck, sponge and towel, he was ready to bathe. The book did say it was favorable to indulge in baths together, since the roses worked, this should work too. He proceeded to the bathroom but once he turned the knob, it was locked. "Senpai, open the door."

"Remind me again WHY I should open the door while I'm showering?" Belphegor was talking again. Oh no, it usually means he'll have to 'die a cruel death again'. "Go find a frog doctor and get your brain checked before I take it out for you."

"But we need to bathe together." Fran answered immediately and squeaked his ever responsive rubber duck. "The duck says you should open the door."

"I'll throw a stick outside the building, go fetch."

"It's a duck not a dog."

"Not that, you!"

"So I'm required to wear a dog hat now?"

"Shi shi shi…" The door opened and a less than amused Belphegor was grinning more so than usual. And that alone is already saying something. "Do you really want to die, frog boy?"

"I love you." Fran, ignoring the death threat, spoke those three words monotonously and hugged the older male.

"GET. OUT."

"Give me a minute."

Fran rushed back to his room and hurriedly look for his trusty book to scan the pages. The major components that led to good relationships was failing, he needed more advice. "Oh, this should work."

"Senpai, we should make love while calling each other sweet names that could either come from sweets like cupcake or honey."

Less than five seconds later, Fran was thrown out of the building, followed by an infinite number of knives. Lesson learned: always wear clothes. Being hit by a knife directly can actually hurt.

**Word Count: 1,134**

**The outlet thing was just a random thing that I found funny and ah... I have no further reasons. I just thought it was funny XD **

**This is a story request, it was suppose to have romance, but I can't see it. I can't ship Bel with Fran no matter how hard I try ahaha ^^;**


End file.
